The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
My wife's a water sign. I'm an earth sign.
Together we make mud.
- Rodney Dangerfield
A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first
day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold,
it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted
in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!" Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells,
and don't work half the time.
- Author Unknown
The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:
"A favorite of birds" means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.
"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like road kill for the foreseeable future."
"Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."
"May require support" means your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.
"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.
"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."
"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids.
A man should never plant a garden larger
than his wife can take care of.
- T.H. Everett
My wife said that if I buy any more plants he would leave me.
Damn! I'm going to miss that woman.
By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb over the fence.
A tomato in the hand is worth two on the vine.
When the going gets tough, the tough get growin'.
I garden, therefore I weed.
God blesses my garden, but he doesn't weed it!
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.