Thursday, February 26, 2009

Just for Laughs....Gardening Humor

These are all from the net. The art images below are by Andre Jordan. Please visit his site, A Way To Garden for more.... I LOVE THEM.











More to enjoy.....
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.- Henry Beard
Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration.
The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:

"A favorite of birds" means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.
"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."
"Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."
"May require support" means your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.
"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.
"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."
"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids.
A man should never plant a garden largerthan his wife can take care of. - T.H. Everett
Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking, but you are getting sweeter.- N. D. Stice

Two men were talking one day. "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden," said the first man.
"So were you able to find some?" the second man asked.
"Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'"
The first man continued, "The gardener said: 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.'"

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times.

One spring morning, my husband and I were in the garden looking at the flowers he had just planted. As luck would have it, a bird flew over us leaving his calling card on my clean white shirt.
When I showed my husband, he didn't miss a beat and said, "You know, Dear, they sing for most folks."

I used to impale the heads of door-to-door sales people on pikes in the garden as a warning to others ... until I learned that it's bad Feng Shui.
Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful, bright-red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."
Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants, twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. "So," he asked. "Any luck with the tomatoes?"
"No," she replied excitedly. "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.

Did you hear about the new household cleaner just on the market called "Bachelor?" It works fast, and leaves no ring.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Top Ten Signs You Have Gone Over the Garden Edge.....

10. Your favorite poem is "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.
9. Your kids are named Rose, Violet, Daisy and Zucchini.
8. You have 8 X 10 family pictures of your Tomatoes and Peppers on your office shelf.
7. Your idea of Saturday Date Night is going out in the garden and hand pollinating the plants.
6. You think a cocktail is liquid fertilizer.
5. You rush home from work and go straight to the garden and hug your roses. (Ouch!) Then, you go in to your house and see you family.
4. On Christmas Eve, visions of "Sugar Peas" dance in your head.
3. After the first frost, you are seen holding funeral services in your garden.
2. You take your kids multiple vitamins from them to use as a supplement to your plants fertilizer.
And, the number one sign that you have gone over the garden edge is..
1. Every Spring your family files a "Missing Person's" report. You remain missing all summer, and mysteriously re-appear in the fall.

Gardening's Better Than Sex
Here are the top reasons why gardening is better than sex:

#25 - Gardeners are not embarrassed explaining the birds and the bees to their kids.
#24 - If your regular gardening partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you garden with someone else.
#23 - It's absolutely acceptable to garden before you're married.
#22 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against gardening.
#21 - You don't have to shower and shave before gardening.
#20 - You'll always be able to garden, no matter how old you are.
#19 - You'l never hear anyone say: "Is gardening all you ever think about?"
#18 - You don't have to hide your Gardening magazines.
#17 - Telling gardening jokes, and invite co-workers to garden with you is not considered workplace harassment.
#16 - Email with gardening content is not considered offensive material.
#15 - When you become famous, you don't have to worry about pictures and videotapes of you gardening being shown on the Internet.
#14 - Your gardening partner doesn't get upset about people you gardened with a long time ago.
#13 - It's perfectly respectable to enjoy gardening with a total stranger.
#12 - When you see a really good gardener, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you gardening together.
#11 - Every time you garden, you hope to produce fruit.
#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you garden by yourself.
#9 - When dealing with a gardening pro, you never have to wonder if they're really an undercover cop.
#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy gardening stuff.
#7 - You can have a gardening related calendar on your wall at the office.
#6 - There are no gardening-transmitted diseases.
#5 - No one objects if you watch the gardening channel on television.
#4 - Nobody expects you to garden with the same person your whole life.
#3 - Nobody expects you to give up gardening if your partner loses interest.
#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity. #1 - Your partner will never say, "Not again? We just gardened last week! "
When gardeners garden, it is not just plants that grow, but the gardeners themselves. - Ken Druse

Always try to grow in your garden some plant or plants out ofthe ordinary, something your neighbors never attempted. For you can receive no greater flattery than to have a gardener of equal intelligence stand before your plant and ask, "What is that?" - Richardson Wright
These were not by my.... just gathered on the net for you to enjoy and me to keep somewhere that I could find them again!
Happy Gardening!





2 comments:

  1. Those are hilarious. Love the gardeners anonymous. I think I need to join ;)
    Thanks for a good laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  2. In "gardening is better than sex" - #19, err... yes. I have been asked that.

    ReplyDelete

Wonderful to hear from you and taking the time to visit. Come back soon and let me know how I can visit you online as well. I love to meet new gardeners!

Here is the finalized list of all the stops on the Christmas in the Country Tour 2014 here at Creative Country Mom's.

Featured Home Tours - Panoply, Aiken House and Garden,


Featured Home Tours - A Delightsome Life, Shabby Art Boutique,


DAY THREE - DECEMBER 2ND

Featured Home Tours - Nancherrow and

Sweet Tea and Saving Grace


DAY FOUR - DECEMBER 3RD

Featured Home Tours - Meadow Lake Road, Designer's Sweet Spot,

Bohemian Juncktion and White Lace Cottage


DAY FIVE - DECEMBER 4TH

Featured Home Tours - Momcrieff and

Somewhat Quirky Designs


DAY SIX - DECEMBER 5TH

Featured Home Tours - Shabby FuFu, What Meegan Makes,

I Am A Homemaker and Major Huff Takes A Wife


DAY SEVEN - DECEMBER 8TH

Featured Home Tours - Lilacs and Longhorns,

Garden Matter and Southern Seazons


DAY EIGHT - DECEMBER 9TH

Featured Home Tours - Atta Girl Says, Our Southern Home

For What It's Worth and Designthusiasm


DAY NINE - DECEMBER 10TH

Featured Home Tours - Chatfield Court

and Holidays At The Harris Home


DAY TEN - DECEMBER 11TH
Featured Home Tours - Dwellings - The Heart of the Home,
DIY 180, Domicile 37 and Little Red Brick House

DAY ELEVEN - DECEMBER 12TH

Featured Home Tours - Dandelion Patina,

Real Inspired and Sweet Melanie


I wish to thank all of the bloggers that participated and all the ones whom shared their links at the party. I so enjoyed every day of the tour and all the wonderful homes all decorated for the holidays. Merry Christmas to everyone! xxx....Brooke